ANGER MANAGEMENT
Finding it harder to stay calm, and noticing irritations turning into bigger reactions?
What is anger
Anger is an emotion that we all experience, it’s part of being human. Like all emotions, anger can make you feel different things. You might feel frustrated, annoyed or irritable. Your body might feel tense, your heart might start racing and you might feel a surge of energy from adrenaline in your system.
Anger is a natural reaction when you feel your boundaries, values or actions have been challenged or criticised. It can be caused by: external events, such as heavy traffic, cancelled plans, or someone being rude to you; or internal events, such as your thoughts. For example, you might feel frustrated with yourself if you don’t do as well as you wanted in an exam, project outcome or sports game.
A certain amount of anger can be a good thing, as it can help to motivate or energise you. For example, if you felt angry about your mark in an exam, your anger might motivate you to study harder next time. But when anger feels constant, overwhelming or out of control, it can become harmful for you and the people around you.
How Counselling can help
The majority of research on anger treatment has focused on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
In CBT, patients learn to identify unhelpful or negative thought patterns and change inaccurate beliefs.
With thoughtful guidance, counselling can help you:
Identify the underlying causes of your anger.
Learn healthy ways to express and release strong emotions.
Develop tools to respond calmly instead of reacting impulsively.
Strengthen self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Improve relationships by communicating feelings constructively.
In counselling, you’ll have a compassionate space where your experiences are heard without judgement. Together, we’ll work toward turning anger from a source of struggle into an opportunity for growth, helping you feel calmer, more in control, and better able to live in alignment with your values.
What are the different types of anger?
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This involves expressing your anger about an issue in a healthy, non-threatening way, by calmly and confidently explaining your perspective on it and suggesting how the situation can be avoided in future.
For example, if someone continually borrows your things without asking you first, you could express your feelings assertively by saying: ‘I feel angry when you take my things without my permission because then I can’t find them when I need them. I’m happy for you to borrow things in future if you ask beforehand.’
It’s important to use ‘I’ statements, as they reflect your perspective. ‘You’ statements can sometimes make the other person feel they are being criticised.
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This involves trying to repress your anger to avoid a confrontation. Your anger will often end up being expressed in ways that may undermine other people. While passive–aggressive anger can make you feel better in the short term, it doesn’t give you the opportunity to fix the cause of the problem.
For example, instead of speaking directly to the person who is borrowing your things without asking, you might decide to hide your things. Since you haven’t spoken directly to the other person, they might not realise they’ve upset you and so may do the same thing again.
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This involves mixing anger with aggression. You might lash out and feel unable to control your emotions and how you act. Aggressive anger can sometimes lead to hurting other people or yourself.
It’s important to note that while anger and aggression can sometimes feel related, they are separate things. Anger is an emotion that we all feel, but aggressive or violent behaviour is never acceptable. If you feel the urge to act aggressively when you are angry, it’s possible to learn new ways of responding to anger.
If you feel unsafe in the presence of someone who is angry, or you feel like you might hurt someone else, walk away. Call a mental health hotline for help, or 000 if you or someone else is in immediate danger.